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What is your truth?

I’ve felt a nudge toward turning inward as of late, even before this stay at home deal. During this time, you may feel that it’s hard to get in a quiet space with yourself, especially if you have young children that are now home all day long. But, most of us are able to find at least a few quiet moments in the day. Perhaps it’s getting up a bit earlier than others in your household, or a someone in your household could take a turn playing with the children while you take this time to go within.

This is the perfect time to learn and know your truth, your Sat Nam. What is your truth? Who are you? Have you been stuffing yourself deep down inside while doing all the things you feel the need to do on a regular basis? Slow down and get uncomfortable with your truth. Write it down. Free journaling or writing is one way to do this. Write whatever comes to mind without judgement. Let it out and do not criticize what is written. Words may be repeated or sentences, just let it be. It may take a few days for you to get in the groove, but stick with it. Another way is walking outside, alone with your thoughts. Push aside any lists or petty things that come up and let your thoughts come freely. You may use a device to record these thoughts that come up during your walk. Again, do not judge what comes up. Try each one and see what resonates with you.

Your “truth” is your core being. Strip away any beliefs that were taught to you by society or others. Step back from what you have read and studied. While these may all have been what has shaped you and helped you decide what you are today, they can also be a hinderance. Have you ever really questioned why you are who your are today? Do you believe something just because this is something that someone placed upon you and you carried it with you without really observing the reason behind it? I’m not just talking about religious beliefs here, but core values and other ideas and thoughts that make you up, as a person. Really feel into what makes you, you. Away from all that society places upon you. If you were alone, living in a remote area, how do you think you would act or be? Would it be any different than how you are day to day now?

Some societal pressures are conducive to us as humans, such as being kind or proper hygiene, but others are a hinderance and make us step away our truth, our Sat Nam.

Why do we do the things we do? Why these certain methods of learning? Why do we work the way we work? What do you feel works for you? Your family? How can you bring about positive change to these things you just felt were required off you or you had never thought or questioned about? Ideals and ideas that you absorbed from other’s teachings and methodology.

Now, write these out as a list, leaving room for comments. Write the reason you feel you hold these things to be true. Then, ask yourself if they are really your own truth. Be honest with yourself. There’s no one to judge you, except yourself and if you feel ashamed or scared about what you wrote or thought, that is something you have found to work with. Brene Brown has a great audio book on shame(The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings on Authenticity, Connection, and Courage). It’s something we don’t want to talk about or think about. It’s unfortunately in and all around us. Take some time with this and anything else that comes up. You don’t have to feel like you need to work on every little thing that comes up, this might be too overwhelming. Take one thing at a time.

Go into yourself. Feel the feels. Be uncomfortable. Be honest. Be your truth. Feel your truth. Truth is your identity.

Try this Kundalini yoga kriya(kriya is series of postures, sounds, and breath that work together for a specific outcome):

Sat Kriya

Instructions

  1. Sit on the heels in Rock Pose, knees together.
  2. Stretch the arms over the head with elbows straight, until the arms hug the sides of the head.
  3. Interlace all the fingers except the index fingers. Cross the thumbs over each other(traditionally the right is masculine and the left is feminine).
  4. The spine stays still and straight. This is neither a spinal flex nor a pelvic thrust.
  5. Remain firmly seated on the heels throughout the motions of the kriya.
  6. Begin to chant “Sat Naam” with a constant rhythm of about 8 times per 10 seconds.
  7. As you pull the navel in and up toward the spine, chant “Sat” from the Navel Point. Feel it as a pressure from the Third Chakra.
  8. With the sound “Naam”, relax the belly.
  9. As you continue in a steady rhythm, the root and diaphragm locks are automatically pulled. The steady waves of effort from the navel gradually enlist the movement of the greater abdomen.
  10. The breath regulates itself – no breath focus is necessary.

To End:

  1. Inhale and gently squeeze the muscles from the buttocks all the way up along the spine.
  2. Hold it briefly as you concentrate on the area just above the top of the head.
  3. Exhale completely.
  4. Inhale, exhale totally and hold the breath out as you apply a firm mahabandh – contract the lower pelvis, lift the diaphragm, lock in the chin, and squeeze all the muscles from the buttocks up to the neck.
  5. Hold the breath out for 5 to 20 seconds according to your comfort and capacity.
  6. Inhale and relax.

Taken from https://www.libraryofteachings.com/kriya.xqy?q=Sat%20kriya%20sort:relevance&id=db3cbe9b41c54be99b17aaf2e5caa839&name=Sat-Kriya

I am personally deepening my daily meditation and yoga practice. In deepening, I’m not talking about necessarily making it physically more challenging, but going deeper into how I view it or how long I’m practicing. Breathing meditations are one that are good to focus on when you are wanting to go inward and rest more. They’re powerful and effective. I always feel relaxed and rejuvenated. Just simple segmented breathing (https://www.3ho.org/files/pdfs/various-breaths.pdf) is one to start with or add to your day. It requires nothing that would go against any one’s religion or belief system. It is a technique that slows the mind down and allows the body to fully relax. Focus on the breath. Breath is a commonality we all have. Breath is our life-force. Breathe into your space and bring in expansion of mind and body.

Sat Nam to all you beautiful souls.

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Giving thanks for our food

Even if you aren’t religious, giving thanks for our food is something that really benefits us. Many may be worried about over-eating on Thanksgiving Day with all the rich-tasting foods, many of the dishes being ones we don’t typically have throughout the year. The day becomes a dreaded day when we feel we can’t hold back and may feel that we will ruin our diets or gain weight. This doesn’t have to be true and it isn’t true. Be thankful for the abundance of food available to you. Offer up thanks for your food. Be truly grateful to have food to fill your belly. Savor each bite you take. Sip on a favorite drink. Enjoy the company you’re with. Don’t rush through the meal. Only take a small serving of each dish. If you really want seconds, take it without feeling guilty. Eat a piece of pie.

Go for a 20 minute walk after eating, even if it’s cold.

Hug someone. Tell another how much they mean to you or what you’re thankful about them.

Call a friend or relative you haven’t talked to in awhile.

Text your co-workers a quick “Happy Thanksgiving.”

In all, enjoy this day and don’t let food get in the way of your happiness.

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Truth in healing

For the last six or so years I’ve been feeling a pull toward healing work. I was a licensed massage therapist for over ten years and had been introduced to the healing art of energy work during my training. Now, many of you may be skeptics of energy work. Some of you may believe that it shouldn’t be practiced or used on a person due to certain religious beliefs. I am not going to go in-depth about this in this blog post. There are many scientific studies out there if you prefer science-based beliefs. This is just what I felt surface as my truth and I wanted to tell it. Sing it, per say, in writing.

From a young age I have been a spiritual person. When I was about five years old, I asked Jesus into my heart and life. Over the years, I had some experiences that made me keenly aware of the spiritual realm surrounding us. Oftentimes people, upon meeting me, would remark that I “had an old soul.” I also seemed to connect better with older folks and didn’t have much in common with my peers.

After the death of my daughter is when I really started to feel this pull toward healing work energetically. I’m not saying that I’m going to out right heal people completely, but I might alleviate pain, be it physical, emotionally or spiritually. In regards to not believing in this type of healing or not believing it’s something, in particular a Christian would get into, remember this type of healing goes back a long time in history. Jesus was a healer. He healed without even touching a person. The same applies to energy work. Why couldn’t other human entities heal in this same way? Jesus was in human form when he healed. Others in the Bible were healed miraculously by ones that God saw fit to give the gift of healing to or ones filled with the Holy Spirit.

In particular, Reiki was and is the modality that has caught my attention. I have completed level I and II so far. Next year I hope to take the master level III training.

Last year I felt called to take a health coach training class. I feel that food can be healing and ties into how we live our life. There are many interesting documentaries about the food industry, which foods are the best to eat, and how the way society influences our food choices. If after watching these or if you don’t like to watch documentaries, shoot me an email on my website and I’d be more than happy to set up a free consultation to discuss your healing food journey more in depth.

Here’s a website with some good food documentaries listed: https://www.google.com/amp/s/decider.com/2017/07/06/the-10-best-food-health-documentaries-on-netflix/amp/

Some of these films are anti-meat. I’m not necessarily anti-meat as I eat meat personally. I do believe that many eat an excess of meat and that we do need to be aware of this.

I also see exercise, or intentional movement, as a must in healing oneself. I’m a big fan of yoga and walking outside. It’s beneficial to the whole body system and helps build resistance to disease and illnesses. Prevention is key in staying healthy and well. Stagnant energy isn’t a good thing. Move your body, clear your mind, and eat whole foods. Try out some energy work too and find out for yourself how amazing you’ll feel afterwards!

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Musings of the day, in the life of a mom

Time management. What does that make you think of? Perhaps I’m not a very good time manager. The day seems to just slip away. Before I know it, it’s time to get to bed. This is typically when I stop and think. I may be tired, but my brain is still ticking. I believe my body is physically tired, but I’m not mentally tired. Being a mom you may not necessarily be stimulated mentally(perhaps from some mom-life situations, like, “Sweetie, don’t do a headstand on the ottoman. “No, we don’t want to collect and keep all the frogs we find.”).

So I am here to do a brief post tonight as I ponder what my day consisted of.

I may be lax on my time management as I do recall scrolling through Instagram this A.M. I did manage to complete my housework that needed to be done, plus grocery shopping and a quick work out. My children are all alive and well too. I believe it has therefore been a good day, right?

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Wonders of where we live

Today we drove from middle Tennessee to Kentucky. We are here for a week visiting friends and family. Then off to the country side of New York. When I was younger I went to Chautauqua, NY, which is in the country part of New York too. It was a beautiful area.

One day it would be nice to explore the city. But for now it is the country side.

Isn’t it amazing how one can go to the same state and see so many different variety of landscapes? To think that a city like New York City is surrounded by a gorgeous landscape. It is not what comes to mind when most people speak of New York.

My children and I have been reading about children from around the world. In one of the books it mentions that in the United States we are able to just move from one side to the other and experience a huge variation in landscape and weather. In many other countries, this isn’t the case.

We are indeed blessed with a beautiful country to live in. I am so happy to be able to travel and see so many of it’s gorgeous wonders.

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Thinking of you

Most days I crawl into bed, beneath my white quilt scattered with colorful feathers and a soft, fuzzy throw blanket(we keep it cool at night to promote sleep). This is where I think of you. You, as in my blog and readers. Several months ago I was all about writing everyday and seemed to have a pretty good routine down. Now, I thought 21 days was a magic number in helping one establish a habit. I wrote practically everyday for that amount of time and see here I’ve been missing many, many days as of late. I wanted to put myself out there, be more open and vulnerable. I can say, it is harder than one would think. Some of the journal prompts were so easy and seemed quite silly to me, but others made me delve into myself more than I had done in awhile. A couple made me wonder why I hadn’t thought about that particular thing before. I actually had to look some facts up(on Google if course☺️), to be able to answer the journal prompt fully.

This afternoon, while waiting for the charcoal to be ready, I read a short blog post on writing for just ten minutes a day. Now I could at least try to do this. So, thank you, Kara, from http://www.kelizabethfleck.com/ , for inspiring me to hop on my blog for just a bit of typing a day.

You may see a journal entry or just something that I felt I needed to write that particular day.

Now to read for a bit before this cold room induced sleep over-takes me.

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In Memory

As I sit here waiting on the instructor for the neonatal resuscitation program(NRP), my thoughts again drift back in time. Every two years, for the past ten years, I have attended this exact class. Last night I was anxious and couldn’t sleep. It isn’t due to being nervous about taking this class, but to the place that I have to go to take it. It is held at Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital. On the same floor as my daughter was on. It is held in a classroom on the neonatal intensive care unit(NICU). Some of my readers may know that six years ago, I gave birth, prematurely, to a dark-haired baby girl. We knew(doctors and myself), that my baby girl would have something wrong with her, we just weren’t exactly sure what. When I went into labor at 33 weeks and they couldn’t stop the contractions, she was born. The hospital was concerned about transporting me to the original facility I was supposed to deliver at, the one with the specialty pediatric ward, so I had her at a rural hospital. When she was placed on my chest, she was a beautiful pink color and looked like a perfect little doll. She was also hard like a baby doll. Something was definitely wrong with her. The nurses swept her off my chest onto the radiant warmer next to me. There was a flurry of activity, then they took my baby away. I’m not sure how long it took for someone to come tell me news about my baby, but it seems like an eternity. They told me I was to come to the small nicu area. That Vanderbilt’s Angel team was there ready to transport my baby. They said they never let anyone go back here. That made me nervous to think that they’re letting me and my husband go back. I’m thinking my daughter was in a dire state for them to offer this. They told me that they had given her several drugs to help her and that she was sleeping and may not respond to me. There she was, lying in the radiant warmer, attached to many tubes, she was intubated(a tube down the throat to administer oxygen) and she wasn’t breathing on her own. The staff gently placed her in my arms for me to hold and see her since at her birth, I wasn’t able to. Too soon for me, they took her back. Out to the special ambulance that Angel transport had waiting. They would take her an hour away to the hospital I was supposed to deliver at. I wasn’t able to go with her. It took several hours for me to be discharged. By the time I got to see my daughter again, it was midnight, 7 hours after her birth. The attending doctor we saw that night was absolutely horrible. He pretty much interrogated my husband and I before he let us back to see our daughter. After doing some scans, they noted that she had a severe brain anomaly. We were so tired from the day that we briefly saw her and then went back to the rooms the hospital kindly provided patient’s parents. The next morning, we went back to see her again. An older doctor was there this time. The first words out of his mouth were, “You did nothing to cause what is wrong with your baby. It is not your fault.” I immediately liked this doctor. What a different approach he had than that awful doctor the night before! This doctor kindly and patiently explained his findings. Unfortunately, her cerebellum didn’t form properly during development. The cerebellum is responsible for multiple functions of the body. Which includes breathing and swallowing, two major needs to live. He told us that we could take time to decide what we wanted to do. How long we wanted to keep her on life support. He said that we could keep her on it for as long as we wanted, but said her quality of life wouldn’t be good for an extended period on life support.

The next day, a new nurse was there caring for our baby, Ansley. This nurse had been a former hospice nurse and was amazing. She had me do some care on our baby, like changing her diaper, giving her a sponge bath and changing out soiled clothes and linens. She also helped us make foot and hand cast of Ansley. My husband and I had decided to take her off life support the next day. We wanted family to have time to come visit her while she was alive. It was a hard decision, but we just could see our little baby suffer any longer. She would be lying there, unmoving. Some of it was due to the drugs they were giving her, but she had no motor control of her body. If they hadn’t given her those drugs, she would be in constant contracture(which is when your muscles seize up and won’t release). We took photos of her and loved on her. Family came and went.

The next day came too quickly. I didn’t want to let her go. I held her while they removed life support. Her little heart beat strongly, but she wasn’t breathing now that the tube was removed. It was about an hour before her heart stopped.

Today as I walked out of the big, double doors, at the hospital after my class, I was overcome with sadness thinking that I had carried my baby out these doors. She wasn’t alive when I carried her out. I was able to take her to the funeral home myself.

So, you now see why I get so anxious each time I need to renew this certification. The class is top-notched. That’s why I still go back. But, the memories are strong. This never will go away. I don’t wish them too. The pain isn’t as raw now as it was six years ago, though it is still there, inside of me, like my memories of my precious daughter. In a few weeks, she would be turning six here on earth. My May baby.

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Squishy baby birth

My sister had her baby on Thursday, the nineteenth, at 7:07 A.M. I was happy and honored to be in attendance during her labor and birth. It had been awhile, I would guess three years since I’ve attended a birth now. I used to be attend births many times during one month.

It was, at least to me, a nice and easy labor and birth. Though I felt weary after as I’m not used to getting up so early in the morning(3:30 A.M. I was awoken).

I spent most all of the day at her house helping out with laundry, dishes, and food. Also making placenta prints, along with assisting in photographing the placenta. Then I helped with preparing the placenta to be dehydrated and made into nourishing capsules. https://www.mamanatural.com/why-eat-your-own-placenta/

Friday we got our things ready to hit the road as my sister had her baby and we’d been camping on her land for the past month.

We are at our home base in Tennessee for two weeks before heading to Missouri for a rally with other fulltime RV families. This is my first rally to attend and I’m excited to meet more folks like us.

Saturday I did a major Costco haul as I hadn’t been near one in over a month. I also hit up the grocery store. Whew, it was a long day getting stocked up on food and then the fun part, finding places to put it all in an RV.

Today was completely a time for relaxation. We caught up on some shows on Netflix and Hulu as it was a rainy day.

I’m hoping tomorrow I will be back into my routine of journaling and reading. But, these past few days have been good and busy. I am still waiting on the rest of the photos from our RV photo shoot. I’m excited to share these with you all!

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Windy days and yummy food

I’m not very good at writing, journaling, or blogging everyday, it would seem. I haven’t felt much into it these past couple of days, but tonight I did feel like it. Like I was missing an old friend to chat with. I am not using any journal prompts tonight. I really just wanted to pop on here to say a quick hello before I retire to bed. Actually, I’m in bed, so I should say, go to sleep.

It’s been nice weather-wise here. But extremely windy. The children have enjoyed playing outside and getting muddy. Oh the mud! I know as a child it is such fun to be covered in as much mud as possible. To an adult, especially a mom, not so much. I’m all for playing outside. It’s just the mud is so very messy. I believe half of my children’s wardrobe has a brownish hue to it now.

While they’ve been enjoying the mud, I’ve been cooking. I’ve made homemade sweetened condensed milk, bourbon balls, and cream cheese banana bread. The sweetened condensed milk is very good, but more of a pudding-like texture, perhaps due to using coconut sugar. I’ve noticed coconut sugar makes things a bit more on the “fluffy” side. I didn’t have any other sweetener aside from honey and maple syrup, so I assumed coconut sugar would be the best bet. I made the bourbon balls because I had a bag of vanilla wafers my daughters didn’t want to eat and my sister had made a comment last week about wanting some. I made the banana bread because Brent didn’t get any from the loaf I made last week. The sweetened condensed milk was for the bourbon balls. In the past, I’ve made the bourbon balls with corn syrup, but I didn’t have any and with no vehicle to go get any, I found a recipe that used the sweetened condensed milk.

Well, I believe that’s about it for tonight and hopefully I’ll be back to my journal entries.