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Where did my creativity go?

Yesterday I was remembering when I was a child and would write short stories. I loved to imagine these stories up and then see them come alive on the little booklets I made up. I would staple or glue papers together to form a small book. I was so proud of my stories! Since that time as a young girl, I have not written any creative, imaginary stories. I was wondering why I haven’t as they brought me such joy. What made me think of this certain time of my life was listening to Sadhguru’s talk online from Inner Engineering. He spoke of our “aliveness” as a child and our aliveness as an adult. What has changed? We are still as alive at 90 years old as we were at 5 years old. But, our energy or agility has gone down. What struck me was his animation of a young child jumping about trying to catch butterflies and a picture of a 90 year old just sitting there watching the butterflies flutter about their head. Are we just not fazed because by 90 years old we have seen hundreds of butterflies? What is it that causes this? How do we make ourselves feel just as excited as we did when we were younger?

I know our interests change as we age and some things we just grow out of. How are we able to take what made us be creative and joyful of our creation on into our present lives? It is a choice we have to make daily. We have the ability to choose to be joyful, to be creative, to live life with “aliveness.” Some moments in our lives seem to not be able to be controlled by our choices, this is just how life is. What we do have, is the ability, the choice, to make the best of the situation. It is all how we perceive it. If we perceive something to be annoying to ourselves, it will annoy us. If we have pain in one part of our body, we have a choice to not let it effect our life. If you don’t focus on the negative things, they will not be as annoying. I’m not saying to just ignore something and it will go away. There are certain things that do need attention.

Now back to what brought you joy and was creative as a child. Sit in a quiet place and take some deep breaths. Remember as far back as you’re able to. Feel that feeling you had as a child after doing something you loved or felt accomplished afterward. Now as an adult, try these things again. Remembering to not judge or compare your creativity or activity with anyone else’s. See if you feel uplifted. If not, try something else. Do these things without having a sense of having to complete the project or make it social media worthy.

For me, I will write some silly fairy stories, dance, get my hands dirty in some clay, and bake a lot of sweets.

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Journal Entry No. 10

I feel as if I haven’t had many dreams as of late. The last one I remember(or two), weren’t very long at all. I suppose I could embellish upon them to make them longer.

So, in light of me not being able to recall many dreams, I Googled “how to remember dreams.” The search turned up several interesting ideas. One, I believe, is a big reason I don’t seem to remember my dreams. It said not to stimulate yourself at all upon waking as this could lead to promptly forgetting one’s dreams as dreams are stored in your short-term memory(http://amycope.com/remember-your-dreams/). My children most always wake me up and start talking my head off first thing in the morning. I also read about a few supplements and herbs that could help.

One thing about me and dreams is that in childhood and into young adulthood, I had night terrors and I would sleep walk on occasion. My dreams would be extremely vivid and many times, terrifying.

One time, as a teen, I was at a retreat, in Destin, Florida. I was in a hotel room with sr real other teen girls on, I believe, the twelve or so floor of the hotel. There was a balcony outside of our room with a door to go out onto it. In the night I dreamt I was being chased by a man and was running from him in my dream. One of the teens woke up(thankfully!), and found me climbing over the balcony edge! I had no recollection of going out on that balcony climbing on it. Can you imagine if no had woken up and caught me out there? What if, in my sleep, I had slipped or let go and fallen? I’m sure it would have made for grand speculation on why a girl such as myself, had committed suicide? Which I had no intention of in my waking hours. But, who would’ve known I was sleep walking and having a night terror?

So, I’m rather afraid of dreaming.

I would love to have awe-inspiring or happy dreams.

Well, the two dreams that I do remember recently having, the short ones, were of my husband leaving me(which he has no intention of) due to lack of internet connection where we are currently parked in the RV. The other one was of my sister naming her baby(which isn’t a bad dream).